Green Day

One long night led to a very green day. In a very literal sense of the words. I’ve been playing my favorite band, my favorite cd’s, my favorite music, my favorite lyrics since I got out of bed. Green Day is therapy to me, as long as I’m playing it loud as hell, and listening all by myself. I’ve noticed I don’t like any interruptions when it’s on. One song after the next it seems to pull me out of my head funk.

Yesterday was supposed to feel amazing. The weather has been cooling down, making it possible for me to go back and paint in the park. My mom got me another huge canvas. If it wasn’t for her my park paints wouldn’t be possible. All I could think about was Sunday, what was I going to paint, what comes next. I’ve got Halloween on the brain, which for some reason makes me think too much.

I think about everything, I get excited. I get upset. I somehow found all these thoughts leading to a breakdown. I couldn’t handle anything last night. My tv antenna blurred out and I lost channel 11. I watch Wheel of Fortune every night, and last night I discovered it was not an option. It took me from a super high to a very low, low. Crying led to more crying, it took me forever to find a reason to start making dinner. By ten in the evening, there I was looking at another bowl of what I call ‘hot squash salad.’ I cook the same thing every day, eat the same thing every night, clean up the same mess. Food is my robot mode. Boring, work, redundant.

Without my favorite game show, I was lost. All I could do was panic. My routine was disturbed, my mundane became a catastrophe.

So I slept in this morning, since I was up until 1:30 in the morning watching a horror movie by myself. I really enjoy the SAW series, the idea of fighting for life. This particular movie wasn’t SAW but it was the same undertone. It was about a surfer girl, bit by a shark and trapped alone in the ocean, stuck on a rock. She fought, she kept herself from letting go. It was annoying, being so inspiring after the way I was handling my own situation.

When I finally climbed out of bed, took a shower, ate breakfast, and found my way to some coffee, I figured nothing would cure me more than my favorite fix. LOUD MUSIC= GREEN DAY. The music started. I could breath. I curled my hair, it’s my superhero persona. I looked in the mirror and told myself it was all ok.

I opened the curtains, listened to the first album from start to finish, banging my head around the apartment until I was calling myself ok. I rediscovered my huge canvas. I remembered how much I love to paint. I love my GREEN DAY.

One thing more, I love the way the sun means my paintbrush. Tomorrow is SUNDAY.