Be My Yellow

It’s been a fun couple of days. I was recently looking for a video game, an actual activity that wasn’t work. All I know how to do is work, talk about work, sew, draw, clean, cook. It’s all work. My social skills and just for fun moments hardly exist. I tend to flip every conversation into a business transaction. Even if I want to just “hang out” I spend the whole time trying to think of a new idea.

There are 58 finished masks sitting on my cutting table. There is finally a done stack. Now I plan to make more, still in need of mindless action. I couldn’t find a video game anywhere and going outside in this Texas heat is just a bad idea. I love being able to sit and not worry. Not think of my next meal or how I plan to make my world go around.

I saved a big piece of yellow fabric for the final cut. The color yellow has always been my favorite, it’s always made me smile. When I was really young I had a cabbage patch doll with very short yellow hair. She is one of the few things I have left of my childhood. Every time I see her, I think maybe she was actually a boy, not a girl. The face is much more like a little boy, the hair is styled like a boy. And her name is still Susie. The last outfit I put her in was a pair of overalls with a long sleeve striped shirt. I do wish I had left her in a dress or something. She is all beat up, scratches on her face, stains on her fabric arms. She is so old and worn. Even her yellow hair is a funky shade of light brown. All these years later, I guess I still felt the need to take her everywhere with me. To be my yellow light, my happy spot.

Funny in a way how time can change the way something looks, but not the way it makes me feel. She will forever be the reason I picked a favorite color. She will be with me no matter how hard it gets, no matter how bad she looks. Together we have aged, lived the same life. Sat in the same dark closets, fell down the same flights of stairs. I had her and she stuck by me.

Now I’m making these face masks to protect the one’s around me. I’m spreading the color yellow around, to put over mouths, to cover up smiles. I hope seeing a face covered in this beautiful color will help make others feel as good as I do about it. I am happy to help, happy I was given the color yellow. Happy to still be here with Susie. Even if I’m working instead of playing video games :)