HALLOWEEN
It’s October 1st tomorrow. It’s my favorite month of the year. I have several weeks to be as crazy as I want. Because costumes are accepted, creepy thoughts are understood, skulls and bones are considered decorations. For me, this behavior is celebrated all year long. It’s what I live for, the spooky strange world we live in.
Each month my prompt calendar changes. The theme for the first thirty days of AM FREQUENCY was “Ali’s ON'.” I picked something that was a play on words, something that I could really work with. My biggest challenge was completing a prompt every day. I began to fall behind, trying as hard as I could to keep up with my own frequency, a full testament of art on the spot. A new idea out of thin air, another piece of art. I managed to only skip a few days, finishing fifteen works in eighteen days.
Then it was on to the next chapter. The next set of prompts was a song list. It was a surprise to me how far I fell behind. I love music so much I got trapped in a work of art and the lyrics from all the music. Lucky for me the list was random, I learned a lot about artists as well as finding meaning in the words they sang. When the weeks flew past, I decided to compile a list of songs that seemed to relate to one another. The line up was so intriguing, it was as though the lyrics were put together to tell a larger story. I drew one final piece incorporating 9 different songs.
And then September rolled around. I found that I had a ton of open and unfinished prompts to work with. I literally wrote them all out on paper strips, then selected one at a time off of my desk. The whole month was spontaneous, lots of different categories. I spent most of my time updating my calendar and finishing old projects. I think I lost track of time and the purpose. I was able to complete four and a half drawings. I hope to have the last half done before midnight! It was good for me to take a break from the pressure.
I had one major set back. While I was ignoring my drawing pad, I began to slip back into the darkness. I have been very upset, very confused, very sad. I know I need my art to survive. I have been using it to cope since I was old enough to use supplies on my own. I was mad at my lack of motivation, I was beyond angry at other decisions I had made. Although it might seem like a good thing, I threw a ton of art up on the chopping block. Entering contests, applying for exhibit opportunities. I loved my art and couldn’t wait to show it off and share it. I never feel confident enough for that, so I rode the wave. And then turned around to ride another. And another. Then the rain poured down, the streams turned into rivers, the water rushed down like waterfalls after a snow storm. Reject, reject, reject. It’s unfortunate, we are sorry, keep up the good work.
Great. I can only hold myself responsible. I didn’t have to do any of it. I didn’t need to feel like this. I chose this. I saw an empty canvas and found the attack button. Like I always do. DO more, try harder. Put myself out there. More more more. This ridiculous pain in my heart was my own undoing. Every piece of art was a push to make myself feel better. Now I feel even worse.
Last night I told myself I wasn’t going to give up. Still, no matter what. I have to keep aiming at my own sanity. If I stop making art, I will lose it. If I stop my growth and practice, I will have to find another way. I don’t know any other way. This is what works for me. My art is what my heart needs.
Thankfully it’s time for the best part of the year. I love Halloween. I love to dress up. I love pumpkins. I love getting scared. I love the color of the trees, watching the leaves fall. I love all the leaves on the ground. I love stomping on them, the satisfaction of the crunching sound. Makes me feel like a monster on a rampage. I love the decorations, the bats and scarecrows. I love watching the ghosts blowing in the wind. Skeletons on the doors. If you hadn’t already guessed, I can’t wait for tomorrow. I am so excited to start my prompt list, I am super pumped about creepy art. I’ve got some really great ideas, and a huge finale planned! Let the 30 Days of HALLOWEEN begin!
